Post by Woo on Jan 23, 2011 15:33:50 GMT -1
Okay the Royal Rumble is here next weekend and I have decided to rewatch all the previous Rumble's and review them starting with the 20 man match from 1988...
Royal Rumble 88
Vince explains the rules for the Royal Rumble and mentions some of the big names in the match so as Jake the Snake, the Hart Foundation, Dino Bravo and Hillbilly Jim….okay…. Howard Finkle tells the fans the rules for the match while Bret Hart, with Jimmy Hart, and Tito Santana stand in the ring, drawing numbers 1 and 2 obviously. Bret draws big heel heat, which seems strange seeing how beloved he would become in a few years.
Bret and Santana slug it out, renewing their tag team title feud, Tito is currently one half of the world tag champs. The 11 second on-screen counter comes to an end and here comes Butch Reed, yay! Vince says he is a man very well put together. The two heels try to double team the Mexican, who hits them both with the noggin-knocker, I love that move. Bret and Butch try the ever reliable ‘I’ll hold him in a full nelson and you hit him’ double team trick, which backfires when Santana ducks and Bret almost gets knocked over the top rope.
#4- Jim Anvil, drawing huge heel heat and things don’t look good for Chico now. Wow this crowd is really hot. Obviously everyone hates Santana as they begin a three on one assault on him. The 11 second count starts once more and out comes Jake the Snake to a huge cheer. I like Jake a lot and I like him even more once he runs into the ring and dumps Butch Reed over the ropes. There you go- Butch Reed becomes the first person ever to be eliminated in a royal rumble. And I thought he never accomplished anything, how wrong I was. We now have a classic heel vs. face pair up with Jake and Bret squaring off with each other. I don’t know if Jake and Bret ever had a one on one match with each other, but that is a feud I would have loved to have seen. The Hart Foundation switch partners with Jim taking the Snake down with a clothesline as Bret pile drives Santana.
#6 is Harley Race and the ring is full of greats now, well Race was pretty washed up here, but still. Race teams up with Neidhart to beat down Jake while Tito has Bret on the ropes and the Hitman is only saved by the Anvil. Number 7 is ‘One of the Killer Bees’…Vince said his name, but I couldn’t make it out. The fans are cheering for whoever it is, I don’t know why though. Ah It’s Jumping Jim Bruzell, thanks for clearing that up McMahon. Everyone goes crazy when Sam Houston runs out at number 8. The action in the ring is pretty mediocre, but the crowd is amazingly into everything.
Houston goes after Race, Jake teams up with Anvil while Bret and Tito are still going after each other. Anvil comes to help Bret and together they eliminate the number 2 entrant Santana thus making Bret the longest man in the ring outright. The ring clock is now counting down from 13 and Dangerous Danny Davis is out at number 9. Obviously DDD and Houston have some issues with one another and they begin to brawl, while everyone in the arena shrugs and looks at the likes of Jake and Race. Harley is all tied up in the ropes while the master of the DDT lays into him. Roberts then gets bored of Harley and backdrops Davis, wow he sure is dangerous…Ken Shamrock he aint.
Houston has Anvil on the ropes and is trying to eliminate him, while DDD escapes a DDT. Bret and Race are double teaming the Killer Bee guy in the corner, who has done nothing at all since being in the ring and I couldn’t even remember who it was they were attacking in the corner and only remembered Brunzel after reading through this review. Vince dares Ventura to go into the ring, but he shrugs it off saying that he has his best clothes on. One guy who doesn’t have his best clothes on is Boris Zukav who runs to the ring looking like a poor man’s Bad News Brown, and even he gets a reaction from the fans. Bloody hell. Speaking of clothes, Davis zebra patterned tights look totally stupid…
Ventura wonders who Boris will go after and it turns out it’s Sam Houston who has the problem. This seems to please Jessie who says that Boris has been well schooled in the back by someone and McMahon retorts that it couldn’t have been Nikoali who apparently as a low IQ. The constant heel vs. face thing is already getting tired by this point and we aren’t even half way through yet. Boris has Sam over the ropes and Houston is “hanging on by a thread” says Vince….. Thread/rope same thing…
Wow Harley Race is now working over Zuckov and that’s the first bit of heel vs. heel action we have seen. It’s only brief though and it seems like they think “oh wait, you’re a heel too!!” and stop. McMahon says “look at Davis, look at Davis” as Danny is somehow cheating when all he is doing is trying to eliminate Houston. Ventura mentions that it’s amazing how Bret Hart s still there and McMahon questions this “that’s amazing is it?” maybe he was thinking to himself ‘pah, if I was in that ring, could win one of these thing’s. Number 11 is The Rock Don Muraco with Nickoli right behind…apparently Volkoff can’t count properly….wow, he really does have a low IQ. Maybe he was just trying to save his Russian tag partner and came out early, if that was his intention then he failed as Boris is eliminated by the Snake and The Bee. He barley lasted over two minutes, which might have been less time than Butch Reed. Nikolai is very upset by this. The countdown reaches zero again an Volkof’s smile as he enters the ring is hilarious. It’s a sorry state of affairs when that smile is the highlight of the whole match thus far.
The Rock is layeth the smack down on Harley Race and the King is history! Bret nearly has Jake out, Nickolai almost has the Bee guy out while Davis stands about doing nothing…watch out though that guy is DANGEROUS! Race is arguing with the ref and isn’t leaving ringside. If I was him and had an afro the size of his here then I would be trying to get off camera as quick as possible and would run to the back.
Hooooooooooooooo! Hacksaw gets number 13 and gets a massive pop! Race cheap shots him and Hacksaw gives chase with the 2x4 in hand only to be stopped by a cameraman walking in front of him. Vince says that Hacksaw is going to clean house when he gets in the ring. Let’s hope so, there’s a lot of awful guys in there at the moment. Hopefully he will eliminate everyone bar Bret and Jake and then eliminate himself too. Duggan goes right after Anvil, perhaps trying to prove he is the best Jim in the ring. Meanwhile Jumping Jim is content to do nothing. 3 Jim’s in the ring- has there ever been another time where 3 people with the same first name in a rumble before? Dunno, in 04 there was Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho and Chris Tian, that’s about as close as we got I believe and yes I am writing this crap as the action in the ring is so so dull.
#14 The Outlaw Ron Bass. Goodie, this will make things more fun… Ron Bass saves Danny Davis from leaving the ring, I hate you Bass. Nickoli tosses Killer Bee guy from the ring while Bass turns his attention to the People’s Champ. Anvil and Jake have been there for a long time now oh great, here comes another Killer Bee. Jim Duggan’s shouting “Hooooooo” is getting real old real quick and is really annoying, but the crowd love it. Funny that Albert also used to shout all the time and he never got over doing it. Maybe because he lacked the 2x4? Or maybe because he was named after a penis piercing? It’s a mystery…. They should have given him a dancing gimmick, that would have worked.
Here comes Vince’s favourite Hillbilly Jim! Wtf, another Jim?! Hillbilly goes right after the Anvil- seriously what did Neidhart do at the annual Jim conventions to piss the rest of them off? Hillbilly gets rid of Anvil…. *does a double take and shakes his head* ugh… Hillbilly goes right after Davis, but he uses his dangerous skills to hold on. So Hillbilly is allowed to eliminate the Anvil, but Danny Davis, no, no, he can’t go just yet? Really?!! Neidhart is arguing with the refs, maybe about the fact DDD is still in too. We can’t hear their argument sadly though due to Hacksaw shouting “Hoooooo!” again like the retard that he is.
Sam Houston, (remember him?) and Davis are still going at it…can’t you two please continue this in the locker room and please leave the ring? Here comes Dina Bravo! The strongest man in the world!!! Bravo runs in and……immediately gets pummelled by Hillbilly…. The Outlaw Ron Bass has Sam on his shoulders and backdrops Houston out of the ring- elimination of the night award! That’s two for Bass now.
The Ultimate Warrior is in next!! Wow, I forgot he was in this match, funny to see him enter and not do much, unlike 1990 when he was a baby face house of fire. After an impressive 24 minutes and 42 seconds Bret Hart is tossed out by the most electrying man in sports entertainment. Well done Bret, you’ll the man of the match. Ventura sings Bret’s praises while McMahon says that he hopes they keep Davis in there for a while…you’re on your own with that one Vince.
Here comes the African Dream One Man Gang. J Gang tosses Killer Bee #2 and then Jake the Snake meaning that the best guy in the ring is The Ultimate Warrior. Fantastic. JYD is the last man to enter and goes for Bravo. Meanwhile it’s USA vs. USSR in the corner with Hacksaw battling Nickolai. So here’s your final group of guys- The Ultimate Warrior, Dino Bravo, Ron Bass, JYD, One Man Gang, The Rock, DANGEROUS Danny Davis, Hacksaw and Volkoff. Look at the talent! Jesse and McMahon discuss who they think can win and Vince tips JYD or The Gang to go away victorious, meaning they won’t win. Neither will Vollkov as Duggan eliminates him. USA 1 - Commies O.
Hillbilly Jim is eliminated- at last!!!- By One Man Gang. Duggan sends Davis flying over the top rope! USA 1 - Badly dressed DANGEROUS corrupt referees 0. One Man Gang then teams with Dino Bravo to easily eliminate The Ultimate Warrior. Warrior Warrior grabs the ropes as he is being eliminated, but the power of the rope god let him down!!!! Warrior Warrior is only one of two men in this match, along with Bret Hart, to go on to win world championships in the WWF, though you would never have thought after watching this that in two years time Warrior Warrior would become a champ.
Ron Bass eliminates JYD verrrrrry sloowwwwwly. JYD didn’t even put up a fight. The Great One Don Muraco, who is my favourite left in the match, sends Ron Bass packing and we are down to out final four. Muraco and Duggan for the faces and Bravo and Gang in the heels corner. Don valiantly tries to fight off both heels and almost dropkicks Gang out before eventually falling prey of the “I’ll hold him, you hit him” double team move. Muraco mustn’t have seen Tito escape this move earlier as the double team move surprisingly works and Don is sent over the topes. Though to be honest it doesn’t take a genius to work out that you should duck…
Duggan is now in a handicap match against Bravo and Gang…Jim thinks for about one second and comes up with the excellent plan of attacking the biggest man first, which backfires tremendously. The heels then go for the “I’ll hold him, you hit him” trick again, I wish that move actually had a name to save me writing it out again and again. Duggan proves that you can have an IQ of 0 and a one word vocabulary (assuming you count ‘Hooooo!’ as a word) and still work out that you should probably duck this move. Duggan ducks, and Gang hits Bravo, who then jumps over the ropes to the floor. Muraco probably watched on thinking ‘Ah. Duck. Muraco so silly.’- dumbass.
We are down to two and the match writes itself from here. Gang dominates and has Duggan on the ropes and charges towards Jim only for Duggan to pull out his amazing ducking finishing move again and Gang goes to the outside. Okay I’ll let One Man Gang off as this is the first ever royal rumble, but here’s a bit of advice to all future wrestlers- never ever run up to someone who is standing next to the ropes. You got that? Cool. Great call from Ventura “With Duggan’s brain power he probably tripped and fell and Gang toppled over the top rope.”
Okay overall this wasn’t a great rumble by any stretch. The lack of star power really hurt it, Hulk, Andre and Dibiase were all involved in a contract singing to promote a Wrestlemania III rematch, meaning the only real stars in the match were Bret Hart and Ultimate Warrior and even then they would be stars of the future rather than stars of the time. Also nothing really happened in the match. There was simply no story, no one man dominating and yes even though Bret was in there for a then relatively long time it wasn’t played out enough to give the match intrigue. It would have been better if Bret took Bravo’s place and ended up coming third, but oh well. Things can only go up from here. On the plus side there was only 20 people- imagine it having 10 more jobbers!
Overall 4/10
Royal Rumble 88
Vince explains the rules for the Royal Rumble and mentions some of the big names in the match so as Jake the Snake, the Hart Foundation, Dino Bravo and Hillbilly Jim….okay…. Howard Finkle tells the fans the rules for the match while Bret Hart, with Jimmy Hart, and Tito Santana stand in the ring, drawing numbers 1 and 2 obviously. Bret draws big heel heat, which seems strange seeing how beloved he would become in a few years.
Bret and Santana slug it out, renewing their tag team title feud, Tito is currently one half of the world tag champs. The 11 second on-screen counter comes to an end and here comes Butch Reed, yay! Vince says he is a man very well put together. The two heels try to double team the Mexican, who hits them both with the noggin-knocker, I love that move. Bret and Butch try the ever reliable ‘I’ll hold him in a full nelson and you hit him’ double team trick, which backfires when Santana ducks and Bret almost gets knocked over the top rope.
#4- Jim Anvil, drawing huge heel heat and things don’t look good for Chico now. Wow this crowd is really hot. Obviously everyone hates Santana as they begin a three on one assault on him. The 11 second count starts once more and out comes Jake the Snake to a huge cheer. I like Jake a lot and I like him even more once he runs into the ring and dumps Butch Reed over the ropes. There you go- Butch Reed becomes the first person ever to be eliminated in a royal rumble. And I thought he never accomplished anything, how wrong I was. We now have a classic heel vs. face pair up with Jake and Bret squaring off with each other. I don’t know if Jake and Bret ever had a one on one match with each other, but that is a feud I would have loved to have seen. The Hart Foundation switch partners with Jim taking the Snake down with a clothesline as Bret pile drives Santana.
#6 is Harley Race and the ring is full of greats now, well Race was pretty washed up here, but still. Race teams up with Neidhart to beat down Jake while Tito has Bret on the ropes and the Hitman is only saved by the Anvil. Number 7 is ‘One of the Killer Bees’…Vince said his name, but I couldn’t make it out. The fans are cheering for whoever it is, I don’t know why though. Ah It’s Jumping Jim Bruzell, thanks for clearing that up McMahon. Everyone goes crazy when Sam Houston runs out at number 8. The action in the ring is pretty mediocre, but the crowd is amazingly into everything.
Houston goes after Race, Jake teams up with Anvil while Bret and Tito are still going after each other. Anvil comes to help Bret and together they eliminate the number 2 entrant Santana thus making Bret the longest man in the ring outright. The ring clock is now counting down from 13 and Dangerous Danny Davis is out at number 9. Obviously DDD and Houston have some issues with one another and they begin to brawl, while everyone in the arena shrugs and looks at the likes of Jake and Race. Harley is all tied up in the ropes while the master of the DDT lays into him. Roberts then gets bored of Harley and backdrops Davis, wow he sure is dangerous…Ken Shamrock he aint.
Houston has Anvil on the ropes and is trying to eliminate him, while DDD escapes a DDT. Bret and Race are double teaming the Killer Bee guy in the corner, who has done nothing at all since being in the ring and I couldn’t even remember who it was they were attacking in the corner and only remembered Brunzel after reading through this review. Vince dares Ventura to go into the ring, but he shrugs it off saying that he has his best clothes on. One guy who doesn’t have his best clothes on is Boris Zukav who runs to the ring looking like a poor man’s Bad News Brown, and even he gets a reaction from the fans. Bloody hell. Speaking of clothes, Davis zebra patterned tights look totally stupid…
Ventura wonders who Boris will go after and it turns out it’s Sam Houston who has the problem. This seems to please Jessie who says that Boris has been well schooled in the back by someone and McMahon retorts that it couldn’t have been Nikoali who apparently as a low IQ. The constant heel vs. face thing is already getting tired by this point and we aren’t even half way through yet. Boris has Sam over the ropes and Houston is “hanging on by a thread” says Vince….. Thread/rope same thing…
Wow Harley Race is now working over Zuckov and that’s the first bit of heel vs. heel action we have seen. It’s only brief though and it seems like they think “oh wait, you’re a heel too!!” and stop. McMahon says “look at Davis, look at Davis” as Danny is somehow cheating when all he is doing is trying to eliminate Houston. Ventura mentions that it’s amazing how Bret Hart s still there and McMahon questions this “that’s amazing is it?” maybe he was thinking to himself ‘pah, if I was in that ring, could win one of these thing’s. Number 11 is The Rock Don Muraco with Nickoli right behind…apparently Volkoff can’t count properly….wow, he really does have a low IQ. Maybe he was just trying to save his Russian tag partner and came out early, if that was his intention then he failed as Boris is eliminated by the Snake and The Bee. He barley lasted over two minutes, which might have been less time than Butch Reed. Nikolai is very upset by this. The countdown reaches zero again an Volkof’s smile as he enters the ring is hilarious. It’s a sorry state of affairs when that smile is the highlight of the whole match thus far.
The Rock is layeth the smack down on Harley Race and the King is history! Bret nearly has Jake out, Nickolai almost has the Bee guy out while Davis stands about doing nothing…watch out though that guy is DANGEROUS! Race is arguing with the ref and isn’t leaving ringside. If I was him and had an afro the size of his here then I would be trying to get off camera as quick as possible and would run to the back.
Hooooooooooooooo! Hacksaw gets number 13 and gets a massive pop! Race cheap shots him and Hacksaw gives chase with the 2x4 in hand only to be stopped by a cameraman walking in front of him. Vince says that Hacksaw is going to clean house when he gets in the ring. Let’s hope so, there’s a lot of awful guys in there at the moment. Hopefully he will eliminate everyone bar Bret and Jake and then eliminate himself too. Duggan goes right after Anvil, perhaps trying to prove he is the best Jim in the ring. Meanwhile Jumping Jim is content to do nothing. 3 Jim’s in the ring- has there ever been another time where 3 people with the same first name in a rumble before? Dunno, in 04 there was Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho and Chris Tian, that’s about as close as we got I believe and yes I am writing this crap as the action in the ring is so so dull.
#14 The Outlaw Ron Bass. Goodie, this will make things more fun… Ron Bass saves Danny Davis from leaving the ring, I hate you Bass. Nickoli tosses Killer Bee guy from the ring while Bass turns his attention to the People’s Champ. Anvil and Jake have been there for a long time now oh great, here comes another Killer Bee. Jim Duggan’s shouting “Hooooooo” is getting real old real quick and is really annoying, but the crowd love it. Funny that Albert also used to shout all the time and he never got over doing it. Maybe because he lacked the 2x4? Or maybe because he was named after a penis piercing? It’s a mystery…. They should have given him a dancing gimmick, that would have worked.
Here comes Vince’s favourite Hillbilly Jim! Wtf, another Jim?! Hillbilly goes right after the Anvil- seriously what did Neidhart do at the annual Jim conventions to piss the rest of them off? Hillbilly gets rid of Anvil…. *does a double take and shakes his head* ugh… Hillbilly goes right after Davis, but he uses his dangerous skills to hold on. So Hillbilly is allowed to eliminate the Anvil, but Danny Davis, no, no, he can’t go just yet? Really?!! Neidhart is arguing with the refs, maybe about the fact DDD is still in too. We can’t hear their argument sadly though due to Hacksaw shouting “Hoooooo!” again like the retard that he is.
Sam Houston, (remember him?) and Davis are still going at it…can’t you two please continue this in the locker room and please leave the ring? Here comes Dina Bravo! The strongest man in the world!!! Bravo runs in and……immediately gets pummelled by Hillbilly…. The Outlaw Ron Bass has Sam on his shoulders and backdrops Houston out of the ring- elimination of the night award! That’s two for Bass now.
The Ultimate Warrior is in next!! Wow, I forgot he was in this match, funny to see him enter and not do much, unlike 1990 when he was a baby face house of fire. After an impressive 24 minutes and 42 seconds Bret Hart is tossed out by the most electrying man in sports entertainment. Well done Bret, you’ll the man of the match. Ventura sings Bret’s praises while McMahon says that he hopes they keep Davis in there for a while…you’re on your own with that one Vince.
Here comes the African Dream One Man Gang. J Gang tosses Killer Bee #2 and then Jake the Snake meaning that the best guy in the ring is The Ultimate Warrior. Fantastic. JYD is the last man to enter and goes for Bravo. Meanwhile it’s USA vs. USSR in the corner with Hacksaw battling Nickolai. So here’s your final group of guys- The Ultimate Warrior, Dino Bravo, Ron Bass, JYD, One Man Gang, The Rock, DANGEROUS Danny Davis, Hacksaw and Volkoff. Look at the talent! Jesse and McMahon discuss who they think can win and Vince tips JYD or The Gang to go away victorious, meaning they won’t win. Neither will Vollkov as Duggan eliminates him. USA 1 - Commies O.
Hillbilly Jim is eliminated- at last!!!- By One Man Gang. Duggan sends Davis flying over the top rope! USA 1 - Badly dressed DANGEROUS corrupt referees 0. One Man Gang then teams with Dino Bravo to easily eliminate The Ultimate Warrior. Warrior Warrior grabs the ropes as he is being eliminated, but the power of the rope god let him down!!!! Warrior Warrior is only one of two men in this match, along with Bret Hart, to go on to win world championships in the WWF, though you would never have thought after watching this that in two years time Warrior Warrior would become a champ.
Ron Bass eliminates JYD verrrrrry sloowwwwwly. JYD didn’t even put up a fight. The Great One Don Muraco, who is my favourite left in the match, sends Ron Bass packing and we are down to out final four. Muraco and Duggan for the faces and Bravo and Gang in the heels corner. Don valiantly tries to fight off both heels and almost dropkicks Gang out before eventually falling prey of the “I’ll hold him, you hit him” double team move. Muraco mustn’t have seen Tito escape this move earlier as the double team move surprisingly works and Don is sent over the topes. Though to be honest it doesn’t take a genius to work out that you should duck…
Duggan is now in a handicap match against Bravo and Gang…Jim thinks for about one second and comes up with the excellent plan of attacking the biggest man first, which backfires tremendously. The heels then go for the “I’ll hold him, you hit him” trick again, I wish that move actually had a name to save me writing it out again and again. Duggan proves that you can have an IQ of 0 and a one word vocabulary (assuming you count ‘Hooooo!’ as a word) and still work out that you should probably duck this move. Duggan ducks, and Gang hits Bravo, who then jumps over the ropes to the floor. Muraco probably watched on thinking ‘Ah. Duck. Muraco so silly.’- dumbass.
We are down to two and the match writes itself from here. Gang dominates and has Duggan on the ropes and charges towards Jim only for Duggan to pull out his amazing ducking finishing move again and Gang goes to the outside. Okay I’ll let One Man Gang off as this is the first ever royal rumble, but here’s a bit of advice to all future wrestlers- never ever run up to someone who is standing next to the ropes. You got that? Cool. Great call from Ventura “With Duggan’s brain power he probably tripped and fell and Gang toppled over the top rope.”
Okay overall this wasn’t a great rumble by any stretch. The lack of star power really hurt it, Hulk, Andre and Dibiase were all involved in a contract singing to promote a Wrestlemania III rematch, meaning the only real stars in the match were Bret Hart and Ultimate Warrior and even then they would be stars of the future rather than stars of the time. Also nothing really happened in the match. There was simply no story, no one man dominating and yes even though Bret was in there for a then relatively long time it wasn’t played out enough to give the match intrigue. It would have been better if Bret took Bravo’s place and ended up coming third, but oh well. Things can only go up from here. On the plus side there was only 20 people- imagine it having 10 more jobbers!
Overall 4/10
