Okay, I tried to only include one character per TV show. I did. But it felt disingenuous.
10. Mike Flaherty (played by Michael J. Fox) - Spin City
The Deputy Mayor of New York City. He spends much of his time covering up for the Mayor's blunders.
Favorite scene:
Mike: Maybe you should just crash at your place tonight?
Ashley: I can't.
Mike: Why not?
Ashley: I don't have one. My lease ran out a few weeks ago and I didn't bother renewing it.
Mike: Oh, so then, we live together?
Ashley: Yeah, I guess.
Mike: I feel I should have been told.
Ashley: We already live together. It's not as if I snuck into your apartment. I've been sleeping here every night for a year and a half.
Mike: As a guest.
Ashley: As a guest? What's that picture over there, Mike?
Mike: Oh my God...those aren't my parents.
Ashley: They're my parents. Who did you think they were?
Mike: [confused] I thought they came with the frame.
Ashley: This is my dresser too.
Mike: Ok, well wait a second, a photo and a dresser doesn't mean--
Ashley: Couch. Coffee table. Television. The dog.
Mike: [disappointed] Not Rex....You do live here.
Ashley: Uh huh.
Mike: [confused] Where do I live?
9. Carlton Lassiter (played by Tim Omudson) - Psych
Lassiter is the head detective of the Santa Barbara Police Department, who does everything by the book, and is the main skeptic of the lead character on the show's "psychic abilities".
Favorite scene:
Karen Vick: It has come to my attention, Detective, that you've discharged your weapons in the last four cases you've worked.
Carlton Lassiter: Thank you.
Karen Vick: That wasn't a compliment.
Carlton Lassiter: I'm just trying to keep the streets safe, Chief.
Karen Vick: The last incident was at a cat show.
Carlton Lassiter: Well, let me just go on record as saying that I would never shoot a cat.
Karen Vick: I guess I could find some solace in that.
Carlton Lassiter: Unless it was approaching in a threatening manner ... or refused to stop upon my command. I would probably just fire a warning shot to make my point, but that's really a field decision. I can't commit to it at this juncture.
8. Michael Bluth (played by Jason Bateman) - Arrested Development
The CEO and president of the Bluth Company. It's very easily to think Michael is just the straight man of the series, reacting to all the insane things his family does, but I've found he actually has some of the greatest lines on the show. Bateman plays him perfectly.
Favorite quote:
Michael Bluth [referring to Mr. Bananagrabber]: "I guess it would just be a guy who, you know, grabs bananas and runs. Or a banana that grabs things. I don't know. Why would a banana grab another banana? I mean those are the kind of questions I don't want to answer."
7. Andy Bernard (played by Ed Helms) - The Office (U.S. version)
Andy Bernard is a pompous paper salesman at Dunder Mifflin. He went to Cornell University (ever heard of it?), where he was part of the university's a cappella group "Here Comes Treble". I love every scene he is in but I feel he was underutilized for a long time, so he loses out to the next character.
Favorite scene:
Anytime the Nard Dog sings. And--
Dwight: Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager.
Andy: Andy Bernard, Regional Director in charge of Sales.
Dwight: So you'll be reporting to me then.
Andy: On the contrary.
Dwight: My title has "manager" in it.
Andy: And I'm a director. Which on a film set is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film?
Dwight: I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them.
Andy: Congratulations.
6. Dwight Schrute (played by Rainn Wilson) - The Office (U.S. version)
Fact: Dwight Schrute is a beet farmer, former volunteer sheriff, and a paper salesman who is stupidly loyal to his boss, Michael Scott (But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, he’s going wherever they value loyalty the most).
Favorite scene:
Jim Halpert: [Jim sits at his desk, dressed like Dwight] Question. What kind of bear is best?
Dwight Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim Halpert: False. Black bear.
Dwight Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought...
Jim Halpert: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight Schrute: Bears do not... what is going on? What are you doing?
Jim Halpert: [Talking head] Last week I was in a drugstore, and I saw these glasses for $4.00. And it only cost me $7.00 to recreate the rest of the ensemble. And that is a grand total of $11.00.
Dwight Schrute: [Back at their desks] You know what? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I thank you.
[Jim takes a bobblehead doll out of his suitcase and sets it on his desk]
Dwight Schrute: Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim Halpert: MICHAEL! [walks off]
Dwight Schrute: Oh, that's funny...MICHAEL! [follows Jim]
5. Dr. Gregory House (played by Hugh Laurie) - House
Dr. House is a medical genius, a diagnostician with specializations in infectious diseases and nephrology. But who cares about that? The reason people like him is because he says stuff that they wish they could say.
Favorite scene:
[referring to House's patient from 12 years ago]
Dr. Wilson: Have you read Moby Dick?
Dr. House: It was a book?
Dr. Wilson: It was ten years ago.
Dr. House: Twelve.
Dr. Wilson: Obsession is dangerous.
Dr. House: Only if you're on a wooden ship and your obsession is a whale. I think I'm in the clear.
Dr. Wilson: You do realize it's a metaphor?
Dr. House: You do realize that the point of metaphors is to scare people from doing things by telling them that something much scarier is going to happen, than what will really happen? God, I wish I had a metaphor to explain that better.
3. Mac (played by Rob McElhenney) - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Co-owner and self-proclaimed "sheriff" of Paddy's Pub in Philadelphia. Mac enjoys wearing sleeveless shirts, thinking he knows how to do karate, and not having a first name.
No, I didn't miscount. Mac and the next character are tied.
Favorite scene:
Scroll down.
3. Dennis Reynolds (played by Glenn Howerton) - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Co-owner of Paddy's Pub in Philadelphia. Dennis is extremely narcissistic and selfish. Enjoys "early-eighties glam-rock femme-shit" and wearing jean shorts for optimum flexibility and comfort.
To quote his sister on the show, he's not gay, he's just really, really vain.
Favorite scene:
Frank Reynolds: You don't look like a gay guy.
Dennis Reynolds: That's because he's a bear.
Mac: What?
Dennis Reynolds: He's a bear, you see some gay guys are twinks and other are bears, this gay guy is a bear. By the way, we are totally cool with that, to each his own
Frank Reynolds: Wait I'm a little confused here, what's a twink?
Dennis Reynolds: Twink is small and slender, like mac.
Mac: Whoa, no, I'm too muscular, I would be a bear.
Dennis Reynolds: Uh, don't think so bro, not hairy enough.
Frank Reynolds: Smooth. Now, I would be a bear.
Dennis Reynolds: No, no, I see, I don't think you'd be a bear either, as a matter of fact I don't know what you'd be, you're definitely not a twink.
Frank Reynolds: I'd be a top, that's for sure.
Mac: Can a twink be a top, or is that reserved for bears?
Dennis Reynolds: I'm sure there's a great deal of switching back and forth but I think more often then not bears are tops, unless they happen to be power bottoms.
Frank Reynolds: What's a power bottom?
Mac: A power bottom is a bottom that is capable of receiving an enormous amount of power.
Frank Reynolds: Actually Mac, you've got it backwards, you see, the power bottom is actually generating the power by doing most of the work.
Frank Reynolds: Does power have to do with size or strength of the bottom?
Mac: Now Dennis, I heard speed has something to do with it.
Frank Reynolds: Speed has everything to do with it, you see the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he's supposed to apply, speeds the name of the game.
2. Gob Bluth (played by Will Arnett) - Arrested Development
A ventriloquist, president of the Bluth Company, part-time magician, and the creator of Mr. Bananagrabber, although he no longer owns animation rights.
Favorite quote:
Michael: Gob, do you remember having a sister?
Gob: [looking at Lindsay] Sis-ter... no... not ringing any bells..
Michael: Besides Lindsay, of course.
Gob: Oh, Lindsay!
Michael: You might not be the most reliable source.
1. Charlie Kelly (played by Charlie Day) - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Co-owner of Paddy's Pub in Philadelphia. Charlie has poor personal hygiene, lives in squalor, and frequently abuses inhalants such as glue and spray paint. Charlie also exhibits great difficulty reading and writing.
Favorite scene ever (apologies for the length):
Charlie: You wanna talk about stress? You wanna talk about stress?! OK! I've stumbled onto a major company conspiracy, Mac--how 'bout that for stress?
Mac: What the hell are you talking about?
Charlie: This company is being bled like a stuck pig, Mac, and I've got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out. [Goes to a wall covered in paper and string] Take a look at this.
Mac: Jesus Christ, Charlie!
Charlie: That right there is the mail. Now let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail, please, Mac? I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, OK? "Pepe Silvia," this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Pepe's mail is getting sent back to me. Pepe Silvia! Pepe Silvia! I look in the mail, and this whole box is Pepe Silvia! So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy! I gotta go up to his office and put his mail in the guy's goddamn hands! Otherwise, he's never going to get it and he's going to keep coming back down here." So I go up to Pepe's office and what do I find out, Mac? What do I find out?! There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, "Oh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper." There's no Pepe Silvia? You gotta be kidding me! I got boxes full of Pepe! All right. So I start marchin' my way down to Carol in HR and I knock on her door and I say, "Carol! Carol! I gotta talk to you about Pepe." And when I open the door what do I find? There's not a single goddamn desk in that office! There...is...no...Carol in HR. Mac, half the employees in this building have been made up. This office is a goddamn ghost town.
Mac: OK, Charlie I'm going to have to stop you right there. Not only do all of these people exist, but they've been asking for their mail on a daily basis. It's all they're talking about up there. Jesus Christ, dude, we are going to lose our jobs.
Charlie: Well, calm down because here's one thing that's not going to happen.
Mac: What?
Charlie: We're not gonna get fired.
Mac: We're not?
Charlie: Because we've already been fired.
Mac: We've lost our jobs!
Charlie: Yeah. About 3 days ago a couple pink slips came in the mail. One for you and one for me. So what did I do? I mailed them halfway to Siberia.
Mac: If we've lost our jobs, then that means we've lost our health insurance. That means all of this was for nothing! Goddammit, dude, I am having a panic attack. I am actually having a panic attack.
Charlie: Well, will you settle down and have a another cup of coffee?
Mac: I am, bro.
Charlie: All right, well, fine. You know what, Barney? Give this guy a cigarette, he's freakin' out. [turns to a man in black trench coat and hat standing next to him]
Mac: Huh? Who?
Charlie: Barney. He's the one who tipped me off to Pepe Silvia.
Mac: Barney? Who the hell is Barney?
Charlie: You don't see the...[Looks around and Barney's disappeared] Holy shit! Where the hell did he go? [Yello's "Oh Yeah" comes on in the background] Day Bow Bow.
Mac: You've lost your mind! You've lost your goddamned mind, Charlie. [Cha. Chika-chika!]
